If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
