hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
