Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
