i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
