Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
