I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I deserve this hangover.
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