you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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