and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
