I wish I only lived at night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
