I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
