I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
