So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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