Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are the jesus of drinking
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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