This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
