Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize