i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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