come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
