I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
