woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
