Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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