kristin has been a bad kristin
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
