i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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