Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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