I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
