seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
