Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
