I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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