I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
