Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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