Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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