he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
