I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
