So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize