i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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