Umm I'm too high to move.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
