oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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