Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
