cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
