I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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