Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
