I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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