She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
