Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize