A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize