Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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