I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Please, let me fuck your mom
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
