I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
