11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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