I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
