I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
