omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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