WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
