so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
