Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
