it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
