we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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