I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
People in love make me want to vomit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
