This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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