dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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