Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
