Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
