She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
