my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
