What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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