Only a mothe r could love this liver
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
did i just pee glitter
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
