Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
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