She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My feet surprised me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
