My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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