i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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